Whisper Words of Wisdom Let it Be

A chronicle of my life, including the ups and the downs dealing with chronic pain and making it through graduate school. It is a way of bringing awareness to chronic pelvic pain disorders, two of which I have: Interstitial Cystitis and Pelvic Floor Dysfunction. Many women and some men suffer from these disorders, but they are not well known. This is a blog about my journey with these disorders, and about life in general. We only have one chance, so we better make the best of it.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Family, Faith, and Friends

This line actually comes from something I saw at a store in Broad Ripple yesterday, and made me think.

I have realized that throughout my life I have isolated myself. I have had so many people do me wrong, and I have learned that those are not the people who I should associate myself with. I may look at my friends and realize that I do not have a lot, but at least I know who my true friends are. I only have a very select few who I deem to be true friends. I don't care if that is only a handful of people, but those people are the most important in my life. In short times you can really get an idea for who your friends really are. The people that have been there for me through the tough times, are the ones I will always count on, and that is what is important.

I finally believe that I am getting better. Since the lab accident last Saturday, and the sinus infection throughout the week, I know that I am getting better. My bladder has been behaving, and that has been a true blessing. I realize now that I have to take all of the medications in order to maintain a level of homeostasis within my own body. I have always been down about being on so many medications, doing bladder instillations, and the need to organize my meds at 24 years old. Now I realize it is a part of my life, and now I will just grow from the experience. Sometimes it just sucks having interstitial cystitis, but in some ways it has been a blessing. I have given up soda (used to drink WAY too much), drink more water, new awareness of my own body, working on my diet more (sucks not having italian-tomato based dishes that I used to love), decreasing the amount of caffeine I have (either ONLY decaf or half-caff. in frapps.). So should I look at this as a negative? No, I should look at it has a positive. I just need to maintain that outlook and I will do just fine, and maybe remission will be something sooner rather than later. I have my own individualized pain/therapeutic regimen for this disorder. It has taken time to get there, but I have learned so much along the way.

On a new note, I have been with my boyfriend Michael for 5 years. Wow, I cannot believe how time has flown by. We have stood by each other through thick and thin. We have lived with each other for quite some time and have not killed one another yet. I support him, and he supports me. I could not ask for a better person to go through all that I have gone through with. I love him and his family for treating me with such respect, and well, as part of the family. I can honestly say I have been with someone I truly love and respect. I know that I spoil him, but I realize that he does so much to help me out. I cannot wait to spend more time with him. I realize that I am so close with his sister, and look at her as my own sister. She means the world to me. I don't care if I spoil her, she takes care of me (even at 14 years old). She makes sure that I am keeping track of medications, treatments, everything. It just means the world to me. I had a great weekend with her last weekend, and enjoyed talking about memories we have shared together (even when we first met). I love talking to her, and watching her grow. She is going to be something amazing (artist or pianist or piano teacher-the world is her oyster). I have been close with his parents, and his brother also. His parents have taken me in so many times, even through the tough ones (bedbugs-AHHHH), and it has always been without hesitation. I truly love them.

My dad is having a birthday this week. It sucks that I cannot hangout with him and my mom. They are the greatest parents ever. I realize as I have gotten older, I am trying to spoil them with nice gifts. I just want to give back for all they have done for me. They have helped me through school and led me to become the person I am today. If it were not for that, I don't know where I would be. They have taught me the importance of being on my own, and I know realize how much they have done for me. They are hardworking people and I look up to them. I know my dad works a job he dislikes, but he has been there and he does it for my mom and also for me. He always has. My mom also works hard. I guess I get my hardworking attitude from them (and my crazy work attitude from my grandfather), and that is not a bad thing to say. I really look up them, and do not know what I would do without them. I am actually almost tearing up writing this. It just feels like there are so many powerful emotions that run through my mind when it comes to my family and my friends. I realize now that I cannot lose faith in those people, because they are all I have.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

May Angels Lead You In, Hear you me My friend

So far it has been a full work week. I honestly don't know how long it has been since experiencing this much bliss. I have had some pains, but they are manageable, and that is the key.

The song that I am referring to is "Hear you Me" by Jimmy Eat World. It is a song that makes me realize that I could not be who I am without the really important people in my life. Each moment, each struggle, has made me grow into the person that I want to become. I may be unsure of my day or what is going to happen along the way, but I am always aware of my true friends, and the people who will be there for me no matter what happens along the way.

Each day is something that we should appreciate, and take to heart. All of us have issues or faults: work, health, coworkers, finding jobs, but we should not let those issues define us. I don't want my health to define me, I want all of the struggles (graduate school included), the people I meet, and everyday encounters to be what defines me. I want to be defined as a strong woman. A person, that someone could look up to and realize that you can do whatever you want no matter your limitations.

I hope that each event in my life will make me a better person, and the best that I can be. No matter how tough the struggle is, I realize that I will prevail. I will rise above, even as I have reached my lowest.

Some of this may seem like it is rambling, but it is what goes through my mind. Especially as of late.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Keep The Faith

Someone wrote this on the ICNetwork forum today, and it brought on some emotion. It is something that my grandfather always said, and has remained a staple for our family.

Through all that I have endured since last July, I know it was an uphill battle, but I have remained as strong as possible. People tell me I am a strong person, and I believe it is because of the events that have occurred in my life. Throughout my time in graduate school I have learned a lot about myself. I started out as this person with absolutely no confidence, and after many peer discussions, I started to grow. I want to remain a strong and independent woman in the science field, and hopefully achieve so many things after I get my Ph.D.

Being diagnosed with interstitial cystitis has led me through some tough times, but with any disorder there may be problems that need to be overcome. I am hoping that I am on the correct track to being better. Having some pain free days has been amazing, something I have not felt for a while.  It is no fun doing all of the treatments, taking the medications, but at least I can say that I am doing everything in my willpower to work through it.

I guess I should 'Keep the Faith' more often.